I've often (maybe nt that often) thought that im some1 who can survive w/o the companion of friends, at least i can easily get by any boring day with my daily dosage of newspapers, tv, games, singing, reading. perhaps a occassional gathering with my friends wld suffice my social needs, then again i dun really have alot of friends, and i hate to make new ones unneccessarily.
So, by default, i can be considered a loner.
Strange enough, by a twist of fate, during my early secondary school days, i was made a welfare rep* by my form teacher. (* a welfare rep was supposed to be in charge of the class's notice boards, organise class gatherings,etc) In some way, that innocent act by my form teacher (whose subject din happened to be on my fave list back then...ha BUT she is the only teacher that i (attempt to) kept in touch with now) changed something in me.
Obviously, im nt an artistic person so there's nothing i cld do abt those notice boards. So i tried to perform my duties by keeping the class spirits erm...high....
i remembered those failed attempts in getting everyone to participate in the sports day, our newspapers recycling efforts, our 1st class outing, our 1st class chalet and of coz the mini 'graduation' day we had on the last day as a class.... perhaps by now.. . most of the 36 members in my sec 2 class might have forgotten abt all these, But for me, the memories are enough to turn on my taps, esp after last week's visit to my old school. Its due for demolition to make way for a bigger and new bldg to suit the school's expansion plans. I cant describe the feeling exactly, but i really feel that time can change alot of things. sounds cliche but it really do seems like yesterday that i pass through those sturdy school gates for the 1st time as a 13 yr old. the school looks so empty and sad, literally stripped of its glory past now that the workers are pulling whatever they can to clear the bldg. Gone are the school logo and name signages, the auditorium curtains, the blackboards...blar....(n the toilets arent working anymore! luckily i dun need to use it during the 1hr stay) It suddenly hit me now as i type, that perhaps my childhood friendship with my sec 2 classmates is coming to an end juz like the school, coming to see the school at its last dying stage seems to be mirror image for this friendship. I hope to be wrong of coz...and maybe its juz me being dramatic haha....
So, perhaps, im nt that a loner after all.
Or rather that twist of fate had saved me from being a total anti-social loner in my sec school.
Lately, i'm in a state of frustration/depression/sianz-ness over my dissertation and the 'pending' issue with my best friend. perhaps the main reason behind my complaints on those org difficulties came from that fact that i cant feel much support from my best friend and also other close friends. Me, being a loner, always wait for things to happen, and hardly contact them and maintain the friendship.
Maybe this is a 'retribution' for me in a way coz the same thing happened to me when it comes to org class gatherings. the usual suspects will always talk n talk, wait and wait for things to happen, if not, better still if it din happen at all. Ironic, ironic, ironic.
guess this is not leading to any good conclusion,
to be continued....
3 comments:
"failed attempts"? if u call those failed attempts, i dunno hw to define success then..
I was referring to the failed attempts at the beginning like the sports day but the success was gaining till the end we had almost every1 (minus2) at the class chalet. haha...n i can still remember who are the 2 who din turn up but i wun mention names here.
So did the gathering went as what you have expected?
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